Unfiltered Thoughts

An old ex friend of mine is, I gather, going through a difficult time, she's hurting. I was wondering if I should reach out to her and offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm not looking to swoop in to save her, from what I remember, she's just needed someone to hold space for her to be. I'd learned to be that for her. Right now, I think, there's no one. Maybe, or maybe I am. I've learned to make it my job to step in and make things okay. Never mind me, what do you need? I've abandoned, I continue to betray myself  to "rescue'' others. It's the trend, I see a need, I step in. It's exhausting and I'm only just beginning to face up to this fact in therapy. If I don't "help", if I put myself first and make the necessary changes, will these people, still love me?   You see, she hurt me deeply, two years ago and didn't bother to apologize or even acknowledge the incident. When I've run into her because of a mutual friend, we...

  Before you come at me with the world is a mirror bullshit and what I see is a reflection of who I am rhetoric, read this a rticle by Duff who articulates far more eloquently than I am bothered to say, why you're very wrong. To quote the author " The world is not our mirror–the world is the world ." and " Other people have their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, reasons for doing things, personality styles, and personal histories. Other people make their own decisions, which means I cannot force anyone to love me, or want to be in a relationship with me ." Merriame-Webster dictionary defines racism as follows: 1 a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2a a doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism and designed to execute its principles b a political or social system founded on racism 3 racial prejudice or ...

A not so long time ago there lived a beautiful, intelligent, black woman in the same city as I.   I was introduced to this gorgeous woman and like the idiot that I am I pushed her away.  I was a fool. I told myself, I wasn't ready to risk  my heart again, I wasn't there yet. I pushed her away because I didn't want a relationship, told her I am not looking for love. The truth is I saw her and she was beautiful, she was. I thought, no way I am worthy of such a goddess. So I pushed her away. I wish I had done things differently. Granted, I wasn't in a good space and I would've done more damage, I really wish I was more self aware so I could've explained things better. If I had a chance to tell her how I felt, how I feel now I'd say 1. I'm sorry. I was a complete and utter arse! I wish I'd called you back and responded to your texts.  I am so sorry. 2. NOT an excuse, but I really wasn't looking for a relationship. You were way too real for me, way to...

  When my friend Lee asked me what I like about bae, I grinned. I took a while to tell her because she’s been there through it all, my excited rambling about a guy whose name I couldn’t remember a month later, through the tears, once shed in cafe, which was very uncomfortable for us both. The groaning, complaining and aches of loneliness and wanting someone but not just anyone. I've written off love, she was there. She’s seen and judged most of it, she takes no prisoners. This conversation, I was pretty sure she'd be smiling along with me. I figured if I can tell Lee, I can tell you too. It's official!  I’m in love. Fuck! I’m in love! I’m in fucking love and I’m happy about it. Don't mind this one bit. My answer went something along the lines of but maybe not as coherently, I said something like this... He has this, je ne sais quoi quality about him that draws me to him and causes me to stare, seriously, it’s difficult to look away. He has the most brilliant, most beau...

By Rogers Wanambwa & Namupolo Imene Definition  Scar 1. A permanent mark on the skin, sometimes caused by the healing of a wound. 2. (by extension) A permanent negative effect on someone's mind, caused by a traumatic experience. 3. Any permanent mark resulting from damage.  As humans, we are very much the collective sum of our experiences in life. What we go through during our childhood affects us as adults and frames our perception and likewise everything that happens in to us on daily bases, frames and determines our over morrow.  I always find people who allude to their past not having anything effect on them to superficial, because even the fact that you're compelled to say something like that means your past actually does have an impact on your present.  Scientifically, it has been proven that our DNA carries the collective experiences of all our ancestors. This is what sustains our fears and in turn our survival instinct. It is the collective information fr...