By Rogers Wanambwa & Namupolo Imene
Definition
Scar
1. A permanent mark on the skin, sometimes caused by the healing of a wound.
2. (by extension) A permanent negative effect on someone's mind, caused by a traumatic experience.
3. Any permanent mark resulting from damage.
As humans, we are very much the collective sum of our experiences in life. What we go through during our childhood affects us as adults and frames our perception and likewise everything that happens in to us on daily bases, frames and determines our over morrow.
I always find people who allude to their past not having anything effect on them to superficial, because even the fact that you're compelled to say something like that means your past actually does have an impact on your present.
Scientifically, it has been proven that our DNA carries the collective experiences of all our ancestors. This is what sustains our fears and in turn our survival instinct. It is the collective information from all the experiences they went through that carries you along and determines the things you will do.
It is this same reason that us that are believers break spiritual ties from our ancestors and make new spiritual covenants with Jehovah and his kingdom. But I digress.
Whenever children go through hellish childhoods, it follows them into their adulthood and you can know who actually went through such even when they are mature.
It has been discovered that serial killers all normally have one thing in common; an absentee father and abusive mother or guardian. 75% of inmates in the US all confess to either not having ever or barely seen their fathers for a few years.
This does not necessarily mean that problems only happen to those with problematic relationships with their parents/guardians. However quite a large percentage of these will go through trauma, poverty, abuse and other forms of violence against them which consequently will affect their future.
We have a different plot for those children that have both parents and secure childhoods, who generally grow up to be secure and well adjusted individuals, all things being equals.
From these ghoulish pasts, you find people suffering from all manner of ailments, narcissists, those that lack self esteem or those that over compensate for that, those that commit crime, vicious cycles of poverty, and so on and so forth. The picture isn't pretty and what's frightening how such scars always resurface, in our present lives and the detrimental effect on the future.
Insecurities of every kind bombard such people and surface at inopportune times to afflict them.
It is imperative for individuals with traumatic pasts to actively work on integrating said trauma, so as to become well adjusted adults. Society, as a whole cares little for the reasons a person fails to meet its norms and expectations, punishment is doled out as seen appropriately. For instance, socially awkward individuals are not very popular in social settings and if a child was not effectively taught to manage and sooth their emotions,for instance anger, no consideration is given to this fact when said child grows into an aggressive adult. Despite messy childhoods and traumatic upbringings we are, as adults, expected to function normally, be productive and useful to society. And the responsibility for this, solely lies on the individual to sort themselves out.
In integrating the past, an understanding of the human developmental stages and an analysis of the effects of how the past effects one’s personality and identifying the learned maladaptive behaviour used to childhood, is vital. There are several avenues available to a individuals looking to heal and reconcile themselves from the past, such as western psychological approaches, holistic Eastern practices , traditional African philosophies and ways of life.
Now, all this said, sometimes it is just too much for oneself to overcome what drags you down alone. Therefore, reach out to someone trustworthy and share your fears and weaknesses and find solutions to them.
This may be a longtime trusted friend or professional where by you are ready to take on their advice. Also, surround yourself with people and things that provide you with positive energy in that you get in a better place. The thing is, you must be willing to work on yourself first.
Our pasts have shaped who we are, however, how we choose to deal with said past,[ be it denial and burying one’s head in the sand or resolving and integrating It], determines the direction of our lives. We needn’t be prisoners. For those that succeed and keep on succeeding in unchaining themselves from the horrors of their pasts, there is a world of freedom available. It is these individuals who, when we hear their stories, we are inspired and motivated by. The good news is that, it is up to us.
Rogers' work can be found on his blog here
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