Unfiltered Thoughts

Buy me a rose. Every time you reappear, if you didn't say a word when you left, you won't need to say a word when you come back, just buy me a rose, a blood red rose.  Buy me a white rose every time you need to leave, I'll give you the time you need and when you are ready to come back to me, a simple "hello" with a yellow rose will do.

Hey You How are you doing? Hope you're better than I am today. I'm feeling like the weather, gloomy. The words I am about to write to you should probably be only uttered in my shrink's office but that appointment is in two weeks and I am impatient. So bare with me, this is more therapeutic than anything. Also, I hope you never read this, really. I'm going to pretend you won't and pour my heart out; you probably wont, please don't. So the first time I heard about you, I was deeply hurt, I didn't know your name or what kind of woman you were. All I knew is my ex, your boyfriend, moved on pretty quickly from me. I know I had no right, seeing as I left him but it hurt like a bitch. You see, I was still as in love with him as the day I met him, he was still my sun, moon and stars. I hoped you were temporary, a rebound but you turned out to be much much more. I'd chosen to put both of you on the back burner till I graduated because thinking of you lead ...

Philip Larkin wrote a poem about how parents f*ck you up. They pass on their faults and add a few more, just for you. I agree with him, and even more so that it is through no fault of their own. How in turn, they were f*cked up by their parents. I'm contemplating his solution, he advises us to "get out while you can, don't have any kids of your own." But there's really no danger in that seeing as I have not found a person to procreate with. Blaming my parents is no longer excusable at my age, I have taken responsibility for my issues but I'm feeling petty because my mother didn't tell me she loved me too, when I called her yesterday. She said thank you instead, thank you! I still haven't made the appointment with the shrink I was referred to, so I am going to rant on the internet. I mean what is a personal blog for anyway? I'll write a book when they are old and blind. Like most of us, I've been blessed with issues by my loving parent...

I won't do the dishes, I'll leave them in the sink for 2 days. You'll get sick of them and do them yourself. I won't pick up after myself and I only do the laundry when I have nothing else to wear.  I do not cook. I'll grab an apple and make a pot of tea if I'm hungry, you cook. She cooks and cleans and makes the bed every morning. You should marry her instead, she makes a better wife. I'm anti social, temperamental and sometimes just bitchy. Your friends will love me but I'll be in the bedroom when they come to visit. She's social and a very good host. She's the better choice. I'll frustrate and irritate you needlessly, I'll work on your nerves and I won't even know it. I'll be sorry for a little while then I'll forget. I'm self absorbed and very selfish. I'll think about me before you. I won't pause the movie when you use the loo and I'll continue to watch the series without you when you're at w...