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On reconciliation and whether or not to.

An old ex friend of mine is, I gather, going through a difficult time, she's hurting. I was wondering if I should reach out to her and offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm not looking to swoop in to save her, from what I remember, she's just needed someone to hold space for her to be. I'd learned to be that for her. Right now, I think, there's no one. Maybe, or maybe I am.

I've learned to make it my job to step in and make things okay. Never mind me, what do you need? I've abandoned, I continue to betray myself  to "rescue'' others. It's the trend, I see a need, I step in. It's exhausting and I'm only just beginning to face up to this fact in therapy. If I don't "help", if I put myself first and make the necessary changes, will these people, still love me?  

You see, she hurt me deeply, two years ago and didn't bother to apologize or even acknowledge the incident. When I've run into her because of a mutual friend, we act cool. I've let go of the anger and hurt, I have forgiven, mostly forgotten. I love her, I've loved her as my sister ten years, I don't know if I will never not care. 

I had decided I couldn't keep her around, I couldn't risk her directing that kind of malice toward me, again. Nothing's changed, as far as our relating's concerned, last time I had an in depth conversation with her, I told her if she so much as breathes in my direction again, I'd press assault charges, I had the receipts. 

And now, here I am, two years later, wondering if I should reach out because I overhead a conversation that she's not doing very well.  What would you do?

Comments

  1. Hey hey, glad to have read your work, keep sending your articles �� Also, I don't know if you've interacted with this person mentioned above yet, I think it is important to keep your peace first. If reaching out is going to take you down the wrong kinda road then rather, if religious, whisper a prayer for her.

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