When my friend Lee asked me what I like about bae, I grinned. I took a while to tell her because she’s been there through it all, my excited rambling about a guy whose name I couldn’t remember a month later, through the tears, once shed in cafe, which was very uncomfortable for us both. The groaning, complaining and aches of loneliness and wanting someone but not just anyone. I've written off love, she was there. She’s seen and judged most of it, she takes no prisoners. This conversation, I was pretty sure she'd be smiling along with me. I figured if I can tell Lee, I can tell you too. It's official!
I’m in love. Fuck! I’m in love! I’m in fucking love and I’m happy about it. Don't mind this one bit. My answer went something along the lines of but maybe not as coherently, I said something like this...
He has this, je ne sais quoi quality about him that draws me to him and causes me to stare, seriously, it’s difficult to look away. He has the most brilliant, most beautiful smile. I didn’t mention his ass, but he has a really nice ass, firm and round! Bae has a passion for life that shines through in everything he does and has even begun to rub off on me. He actively pursues things that fill his life with joy, he’s a mirror of me on my best days. He’s not afraid to try new things.
He has a heart for people. He cares. That’s the first thing that drew me to him, just how much he gives a shit. It’s so easy to be disillusioned and disengaged but he goes against the grain and does what he can (which is a lot) to help. He’s the kind of guy who adds his voice with the disenfranchised so they are heard.
My favorite thing about him is that he is his own person. You can see he has put a lot of thought into the man he is and is becoming. He has not let his circumstances define him, he set the course for his life. He’s a free man. He’s comfortable in his skin. He is his own person, a very self aware man; introspective. He’s not afraid to share with me, when he’s not feeling his best. I absolutely love that he does not need me, but he chooses me. I like the way I feel when I am with him, content.
I have this foreboding joy thingy whereby, when everything is going well, I can’t help imagine all the wrong the things that could go wrong. I’ve chosen to be happy, if the other shoe is going to drop, then fuck it, it will! I’m not going to worry about it, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. My capacity for happiness has increased. I’ll grin and giggle at his good morning texts, I’ll let him hold me and we’ll do things we love to. I’ll do my best not to stare. I’m choosing happiness. I'm committing to, i'm hoping and praying we are it, forever.
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