Unfiltered Thoughts

A not so long time ago there lived a beautiful, intelligent, black woman in the same city as I.   I was introduced to this gorgeous woman and like the idiot that I am I pushed her away.  I was a fool. I told myself, I wasn't ready to risk  my heart again, I wasn't there yet. I pushed her away because I didn't want a relationship, told her I am not looking for love. The truth is I saw her and she was beautiful, she was. I thought, no way I am worthy of such a goddess. So I pushed her away. I wish I had done things differently. Granted, I wasn't in a good space and I would've done more damage, I really wish I was more self aware so I could've explained things better. If I had a chance to tell her how I felt, how I feel now I'd say 1. I'm sorry. I was a complete and utter arse! I wish I'd called you back and responded to your texts.  I am so sorry. 2. NOT an excuse, but I really wasn't looking for a relationship. You were way too real for me, way to...

 I spent last week reconciling myself to the fact that I'm the bitch who broke his heart and he's the one I let get away. It was hard to come to terms with but I had to face facts, I still love him, deeply and truly. I shared this revelation with some of my friends and they said they knew. I spend this week wrestling with the fact that I want him, badly.  I can't have him, he's with someone he loves deeply and he appears to be content. I would never do anything to jeopardise his happiness, I hurt him once, I'd never deliberately do anything to hurt him again. I'm steering well clear of him. He is everything I pictured I wanted growing up. He was the embodiment of my day dreams and fantasies. By the second date, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry, he's the only man I've ever thought of marrying.  I thought that man did not exist.  He was and is not perfect, but I believe he was perfect for me. The stuff that annoyed me about him, I merely shrugge...

I am crazy obsessed with A Walk to Remember, I can't help it, I love this movie; I am in love with the characters and I can't help but watch it over and over and over and over again.  I didn't make the gifs but here's my running commentary and the comparisons to my sorta kinda there love life. The whole movie is my favourite scene... God has a sense of humour, it has to do with getting a new sweater Please fall in love with me? Landon: Jamie... I love you.......... Now would be the time to say something.  Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.  Of course i'm afraid to fall in love with you. I'm  well on my way though. I don't want to do this alone, take a chance with me? I really want him to kiss me, he hasn't yet. Or shown any indication that he wants to! It's been so long I may actually have forgotten how to? Is kissing like learning how to ride a bicycle?  Kiss me!! It's dr...