Unfiltered Thoughts

Buy me a rose. Every time you reappear, if you didn't say a word when you left, you won't need to say a word when you come back, just buy me a rose, a blood red rose.  Buy me a white rose every time you need to leave, I'll give you the time you need and when you are ready to come back to me, a simple "hello" with a yellow rose will do.

 I spent last week reconciling myself to the fact that I'm the bitch who broke his heart and he's the one I let get away. It was hard to come to terms with but I had to face facts, I still love him, deeply and truly. I shared this revelation with some of my friends and they said they knew. I spend this week wrestling with the fact that I want him, badly.  I can't have him, he's with someone he loves deeply and he appears to be content. I would never do anything to jeopardise his happiness, I hurt him once, I'd never deliberately do anything to hurt him again. I'm steering well clear of him. He is everything I pictured I wanted growing up. He was the embodiment of my day dreams and fantasies. By the second date, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry, he's the only man I've ever thought of marrying.  I thought that man did not exist.  He was and is not perfect, but I believe he was perfect for me. The stuff that annoyed me about him, I merely shrugge...

 "I was young and stupid." That was the response he gave me as to why he raped my friend back in uni. I can't help but wonder how he thinks that response would suffice or appease. I don't know what or how to respond to his pleas for absolution when the last time I saw him, I was with her and all he said to her was "It didn't end well with us".  I'm not the one he should be even talking to about this. I officially met him three years ago, I thought he was smooth, had swag and hot as a tamalie! It turns out he's had his eye on me for years but I was in a relationship so I shut that down. Fast forward to last month I run into him at Chopsi's and he was all up in my space, insisted on my number. This time I was single, so I thought why not, he's still got it. When he walked away one of my girls tell me he raped her in her first year. I was shook. I ignored his call when he called three days later and then he calls me again last night, thi...

I was sitting at Kramer’s last night with my Aunt Caroline disapprovingly watching her eat her waffles and a scoop of rum and raisin flavoured ice cream.  One, she has the flu and two; it is the middle of winter! I was having the reasonable thing, having hot chocolate. As we discussed her match on mingle2, it hit me; I’ve never met anyone as deliriously beautiful as she is.  She has stars in her eyes when she talks about her “future husband”; listening to her talk you’d think she’s never been hurt in love. The pure unadulterated optimism for life and the joy in her voice is intoxicating.  I want to be as young and free as the woman sitting across from me; twenty years my senior and divorced. Her ex-husband was an abusive alcoholic and the divorce was messy, after 9 years of marriage, she walked away. In contrast I’ve been single for a full year since the end of May, after a 2 year relationship and I’ve got three years of unrequited love under my belt. I’ve been c...