Unfiltered Thoughts

An old ex friend of mine is, I gather, going through a difficult time, she's hurting. I was wondering if I should reach out to her and offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm not looking to swoop in to save her, from what I remember, she's just needed someone to hold space for her to be. I'd learned to be that for her. Right now, I think, there's no one. Maybe, or maybe I am. I've learned to make it my job to step in and make things okay. Never mind me, what do you need? I've abandoned, I continue to betray myself  to "rescue'' others. It's the trend, I see a need, I step in. It's exhausting and I'm only just beginning to face up to this fact in therapy. If I don't "help", if I put myself first and make the necessary changes, will these people, still love me?   You see, she hurt me deeply, two years ago and didn't bother to apologize or even acknowledge the incident. When I've run into her because of a mutual friend, we...

Philip Larkin wrote a poem about how parents f*ck you up. They pass on their faults and add a few more, just for you. I agree with him, and even more so that it is through no fault of their own. How in turn, they were f*cked up by their parents. I'm contemplating his solution, he advises us to "get out while you can, don't have any kids of your own." But there's really no danger in that seeing as I have not found a person to procreate with. Blaming my parents is no longer excusable at my age, I have taken responsibility for my issues but I'm feeling petty because my mother didn't tell me she loved me too, when I called her yesterday. She said thank you instead, thank you! I still haven't made the appointment with the shrink I was referred to, so I am going to rant on the internet. I mean what is a personal blog for anyway? I'll write a book when they are old and blind. Like most of us, I've been blessed with issues by my loving parent...