Unfiltered Thoughts

I spent this morning thinking about all the people I can't seem to let go of. The ones I need to cut off, people I no longer speak to on a regular basis but am still hung up on and that one guy I've reconciled that I'll always love. My soul is like a graveyard of dead relationships, people long gone. I spent the better part of this evening looking a pictures of an almost love, figured it's time to burn this bridge but I can't, I feel physically ill now. I'm nauseous, my chest hurts, I can't seem to let go off the skeletons of what could've been. I keep thinking, I don't want it, not in this form, certainly not any time soon, still I'm incapable of thoughts of closure.  The Script's good in goodbye  reduces me to tears every single time I get in my feelings.  No matter how it falls apart There's an "art" in breaking hearts But there's no fair in farewell I haven't learned how to let go yet, so I'm goin...

Can you see me or are you too wrapped up in your head? Can you hear me? You like the sound of your voice, a bit too much, I think. Are you blind?  Or maybe you just don't give a shit? I'm right here, in front of you. Why can't you see me? Why does talking to you feel like shouting into the void? You're so frustrating! I'm not my disease, it's a part of who I am  but for fuck's sake, there's a  lot more to me that just this fucking mental illness! Why can't you see that? As a whole, I'm more than just the fucking sum of my parts! You don't label cancer patients cancerous, why do you define me by my depression?  I am a work of art, a fucking masterpiece, why can't you see that? I wish you'd take off those rose tinted glasses and take a fucking good look at me. I'm not your ex, she left, I'm here. Why can't you see that I AM HERE. She's gone, let her go! You make such a big deal about how I can't trust you, how ...

If depression transformed into a person the first thing I'd say to it is "FUCK YOU!!" and then promptly block it on all social media. I'd block and report it on every platform, block the network calls and texts, I'm not waiting for a response. Ain't no body got time to listen to those smooth lies.  I'd file for a protection order and press assault GBH and domestic abuse charges. If depression was a person, maybe it would be a woman, because that clinging and suffocating behaviour can only be equated to that of an insecure woman's. Or maybe it would be a man, nothing  quite compares to the mindfuck and games a man plays.. If depression was a person, I'd hire thugs to beat the crap out of her till she was comatose, she'd end up in the ICU and at night I'd taunt and traumatize her till she lost her mind and then smother her to death with a plastic bag while playing classic punk rock. There is no way I'm leaving the bitch alive, she...