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Swim in Heartbreak and Drown in Agony/Projections from my soul

Dying, Starving  Affection cannot survive on empty promises and sweet nothings  I drown my pillow in tears as I swim in heartbreak and drown in agony The fog will fade Once I figure you out I’ll see you are just a projection of the greatness I buried under the rubble of self doubt and insecurities  Too afraid to see, I project from soul onto you You look like the stuff of legends They would sing the ballads I wrote about you and recite all the sonnets, if they saw you with my eyes When the haze clears, I know I’ll be looking in the mirror  The veil is torn The smoke screen is lifting  Turn off the fog machine  The only extraordinary things about you are all the virtues I granted in my imaginings A pretty little face and only a little bright I should edit the gospels before they spread Decry, dethrone and destroy the idols I built in your image Just a lost boy seeking his mommy’s love A little kid playing pretend  Dripping insecurity Wrapped in loneliness  Seeking solace in my arms Stea
Recent posts

Your metaphoric flowers

 In a world where everyone and their cat has an opinion on who I should be It appears that everyone and their dog knows which version of me I should be I was swayed and moved a million different directions I have lived four and five versions of who I thought I should be I wasn't thinking I wasn't expecting you You're so sure of who you are You are confident and self assured in your own beautiful way Experiencing you, your way of life required nothing of me, because you are enough You had no opinion of what would make me better or which way I should act to be more acceptable and lovable You didn't need anything from me and that gave me room to discover who I wanted to be In your sun, I found that I too could be enough I too could be sure of myself Here are your metaphoric flowers While you are still alive I want to say thank you for being yourself I am deeply grateful to experience what it means to be enough I am rediscovering the lessons I learned without realizing that

My lost Voice and Megaphone

  I've never been benevolent, every time I did something seemingly altruistic was because I had something to gain. Whether it be tangible or the pleasure of calling myself a good person and a responsible and civic citizen. My conversations at work about sexism and gender roles are motivated by the fact that I am a woman and I stand to benefit. I can now ask senior male colleagues to make me a cup of coffee and get one without much ado. Paraphrasing WAP: " I don't cook, I don't clean but I got a man " Let the patriarchy suck on that! Quite honestly, I was simply tired of hearing the homophobic and/or Christian centered narrative anytime anything gay came up. I know my "Jesus before good morning" folks haven't changed their views on the LGTBQI+ community but they have certainly changed the way they speak about them, at least in my presence; one person's sexual orientation has nothing

All Our Broken Pieces

There's so much I want to share with you  I've never been eager to show anyone my broken pieces you just kind of stumble upon them  I try not to cut anyone  I want to share with you my broken parts and I want to see the parts of your soul that are too.  And the whole bits. Everything, I want to experience you, your everything.

A Happy Home

  I tell him my favourite color is black, like my soul.  He chuckles disbelieving  Says no I allow it.  I'm too happy ignoring the trauma that's brewing underneath He lets me sleep in his bed and cuddled up with him because I am always cold, always freezing I hold him close and hear my heart open and almost weep Deep breaths, it's going to be okay, it will be alright  He let me fall in love with him and he pulled the rug from beneath me  Like jumping into a pool thinking there's water only to fall on shards of broken glass,  The pool is empty.  I'm not sure I'm the type of girl that will ever find love, maybe I am too broken Mommy left, daddy drank and I've been searching for home ever since My secret dream is to be have a happy home I saw that home in you, so don't ask me why I can't just walk away….  I know better than to hang around waiting for you to be ready But   The thought of leaving you physically hurts,  My chest burns My  lungs collapse  M

Rejection Slips

  I love my rejection slips. I am going to print  and put them on a notice board in my room when I finally get around to  making my writing corner a reality. I imagine, they'll inspire me to pour my heart out and try again, because failure is not trying.  I got a rejection slip today, an email from an online magazine I really want to be published in. It hurt more than the others, it hurt because I really, really really wanted this and I poured my heart and soul into the article I submitted. It hurts, that's what I want to get across is, the " we regret to inform you that we eventually decided against publishing it as we do not think it is suitable for our platform at this time " that, that was an arrow through my heart. What does that even mean? I've poured over the magazine, I've read every article that caught my eye, I was guided by what was published. The article I submitted was a result of the feelings some one the articles evoked in me.   So tell me, wha

On reconciliation and whether or not to.

An old ex friend of mine is, I gather, going through a difficult time, she's hurting. I was wondering if I should reach out to her and offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm not looking to swoop in to save her, from what I remember, she's just needed someone to hold space for her to be. I'd learned to be that for her. Right now, I think, there's no one. Maybe, or maybe I am. I've learned to make it my job to step in and make things okay. Never mind me, what do you need? I've abandoned, I continue to betray myself  to "rescue'' others. It's the trend, I see a need, I step in. It's exhausting and I'm only just beginning to face up to this fact in therapy. If I don't "help", if I put myself first and make the necessary changes, will these people, still love me?   You see, she hurt me deeply, two years ago and didn't bother to apologize or even acknowledge the incident. When I've run into her because of a mutual friend, we