Unfiltered Thoughts

I won't do the dishes, I'll leave them in the sink for 2 days. You'll get sick of them and do them yourself. I won't pick up after myself and I only do the laundry when I have nothing else to wear.  I do not cook. I'll grab an apple and make a pot of tea if I'm hungry, you cook. She cooks and cleans and makes the bed every morning. You should marry her instead, she makes a better wife. I'm anti social, temperamental and sometimes just bitchy. Your friends will love me but I'll be in the bedroom when they come to visit. She's social and a very good host. She's the better choice. I'll frustrate and irritate you needlessly, I'll work on your nerves and I won't even know it. I'll be sorry for a little while then I'll forget. I'm self absorbed and very selfish. I'll think about me before you. I won't pause the movie when you use the loo and I'll continue to watch the series without you when you're at w...

Dear Future Boyfriend If you've read my blog then you must think I'm still in love with my ex, well that's not true, not anymore. I care about him-ish, I think he's a great guy but there's absolutely nothing between us, Nada, not a thing. He's the guy I still talk about because he's the only love  I've known.  He's moved on and so have I. It may appear that I'm still holding on to an idea of us because starting over with someone new scares the hell out of me, like bat sh!t crazy scary. So chill, I'm over that guy, he's past tense, you're the future babe. {Edit June 2018:I don't talk about him anymore}. Anyway, now that is out of the way, here is a guide to tell if I like you. Knowing me, you'll need a cheat sheet. 1. We are still talking I'm a terrible texter, I hate it. So if we are exchanging messages at least twice a day, I like you. If I call you in response to a text, I really like you (sorry it took 3 hou...

 I spent last week reconciling myself to the fact that I'm the bitch who broke his heart and he's the one I let get away. It was hard to come to terms with but I had to face facts, I still love him, deeply and truly. I shared this revelation with some of my friends and they said they knew. I spend this week wrestling with the fact that I want him, badly.  I can't have him, he's with someone he loves deeply and he appears to be content. I would never do anything to jeopardise his happiness, I hurt him once, I'd never deliberately do anything to hurt him again. I'm steering well clear of him. He is everything I pictured I wanted growing up. He was the embodiment of my day dreams and fantasies. By the second date, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry, he's the only man I've ever thought of marrying.  I thought that man did not exist.  He was and is not perfect, but I believe he was perfect for me. The stuff that annoyed me about him, I merely shrugge...

I'm not very proud of the fact that I didn't vote in the last election  but if I had to redo it again, I'd still not vote. The question wasn't who was going to win but by what majority percentage SWAPO was going to win by.  I rationalised, one vote didn't matter. A contradiction to the motto I spew when I try to make a difference in the world, especially when it's microscopic; "every rain drop raises the sea"  is what I always say. Clearly my vote counts, every vote counts but does it matter? I was born after independence, born free. I hereby claim the status of ignorance, ingratitude and willfulness that the older generation attribute to my generation. For all intent and purposes, this will be my justification for anything stupid I may say. If we are being realistic, the next SWAPO President will become the Head of State, so let's not pretend that the internal ongoings of SWAPO does not directly affect us. I'm not even going to tell yo...

My online dating experience started a couple of months ago when my Aunt Carol and I created accounts on an interracial dating site and Okcupid. She's had a strapping Englishman fly from Gatwick to Harare to see her after one week of voice calls and texting on WhatsApp, a Indian tycoon offer her a vacation in Bali and five marriage proposals that I know of; but who's counting? I haven't had quite the same success, it has been an interesting experience, from chatting to hot men across the Atlantic to receiving my first d*ck pic last night. Here are my top four  memorable dates. 1. He brought a friend along on the date When he picked me up for the date, his friend was sitting shotgun. We were supposed to get ice cream but we ended up at Pepata, where we found three of his other friends and halfway through the night, he called and invited two more colleagues. I had a fun night, the food was great, the company splendid. Pity, we didn't exchange more then five word...

 "I was young and stupid." That was the response he gave me as to why he raped my friend back in uni. I can't help but wonder how he thinks that response would suffice or appease. I don't know what or how to respond to his pleas for absolution when the last time I saw him, I was with her and all he said to her was "It didn't end well with us".  I'm not the one he should be even talking to about this. I officially met him three years ago, I thought he was smooth, had swag and hot as a tamalie! It turns out he's had his eye on me for years but I was in a relationship so I shut that down. Fast forward to last month I run into him at Chopsi's and he was all up in my space, insisted on my number. This time I was single, so I thought why not, he's still got it. When he walked away one of my girls tell me he raped her in her first year. I was shook. I ignored his call when he called three days later and then he calls me again last night, thi...

It's over, done, gone. Whatever the relationship was, he ended it. It's dead and buried. We are getting ahead of ourselves, nothing is dead or buried in the first week after a breakup. Here are my emotions: Obviously I'm not the one that ended things 1 . Shock and Disbelief  The first thing that comes to mind is that it can't be true. I don't understand, what do you mean we are broken up? There's a literal pit in my stomach, it's not possible. No, I don't want to be broken up. Yes, I saw the signs, I'm not stupid, just in denial.  I'm not signing off on this, we are not broken up. 2. Confusion When I sort off, kind off, faced the music, that yes, he did in fact end things; I'm left with in a state of pandemonium. I can't make out whether I am crying or laughing, where did he end and where did I begin? We had morphed into an us where I lost myself. My feelings are all jumbled up because I feel like my heart's been carve...