It's over, done, gone. Whatever the relationship was, he ended it. It's dead and buried. We are getting ahead of ourselves, nothing is dead or buried in the first week after a breakup.
Here are my emotions: Obviously I'm not the one that ended things
1. Shock and Disbelief
The first thing that comes to mind is that it can't be true. I don't understand, what do you mean we are broken up? There's a literal pit in my stomach, it's not possible. No, I don't want to be broken up.
Yes, I saw the signs, I'm not stupid, just in denial.
I'm not signing off on this, we are not broken up.
2. Confusion
When I sort off, kind off, faced the music, that yes, he did in fact end things; I'm left with in a state of pandemonium. I can't make out whether I am crying or laughing, where did he end and where did I begin? We had morphed into an us where I lost myself. My feelings are all jumbled up because I feel like my heart's been carved out of my chest and there's nothing left. This must be some of the misery soldiers feel when their legs are amputated but the brain still says it's there and in pain.
3. Stupid
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let him in so completely. I should've listened to myself when I thought things may end this way. I knew it! But I was so, so very stupid! What the hell was I thinking believing in "us" so much I saw no future without him in it?
4. Despair
Please make the torment stop, make the feeling utter wretchedness dissapear. I can't take the pain any longer. I can't deal with this loss. Someone please turn it off. How can I still care about someone that's putting me through such anguish, this can't be right...
I know I'm far from okay because I've not even began to experience the other stages of grief yet, but It's been a week already and I'm tired of feeling. I'm shutting things down. From now on I'm keeping my stupid heart in an ice box underneath my bed.
Here are my emotions: Obviously I'm not the one that ended things
1. Shock and Disbelief
The first thing that comes to mind is that it can't be true. I don't understand, what do you mean we are broken up? There's a literal pit in my stomach, it's not possible. No, I don't want to be broken up.
Yes, I saw the signs, I'm not stupid, just in denial.
I'm not signing off on this, we are not broken up.
2. Confusion
When I sort off, kind off, faced the music, that yes, he did in fact end things; I'm left with in a state of pandemonium. I can't make out whether I am crying or laughing, where did he end and where did I begin? We had morphed into an us where I lost myself. My feelings are all jumbled up because I feel like my heart's been carved out of my chest and there's nothing left. This must be some of the misery soldiers feel when their legs are amputated but the brain still says it's there and in pain.
3. Stupid
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let him in so completely. I should've listened to myself when I thought things may end this way. I knew it! But I was so, so very stupid! What the hell was I thinking believing in "us" so much I saw no future without him in it?
4. Despair
Please make the torment stop, make the feeling utter wretchedness dissapear. I can't take the pain any longer. I can't deal with this loss. Someone please turn it off. How can I still care about someone that's putting me through such anguish, this can't be right...
I know I'm far from okay because I've not even began to experience the other stages of grief yet, but It's been a week already and I'm tired of feeling. I'm shutting things down. From now on I'm keeping my stupid heart in an ice box underneath my bed.
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