Unfiltered Thoughts

 "I was young and stupid." That was the response he gave me as to why he raped my friend back in uni. I can't help but wonder how he thinks that response would suffice or appease. I don't know what or how to respond to his pleas for absolution when the last time I saw him, I was with her and all he said to her was "It didn't end well with us".  I'm not the one he should be even talking to about this. I officially met him three years ago, I thought he was smooth, had swag and hot as a tamalie! It turns out he's had his eye on me for years but I was in a relationship so I shut that down. Fast forward to last month I run into him at Chopsi's and he was all up in my space, insisted on my number. This time I was single, so I thought why not, he's still got it. When he walked away one of my girls tell me he raped her in her first year. I was shook. I ignored his call when he called three days later and then he calls me again last night, thi...

It's over, done, gone. Whatever the relationship was, he ended it. It's dead and buried. We are getting ahead of ourselves, nothing is dead or buried in the first week after a breakup. Here are my emotions: Obviously I'm not the one that ended things 1 . Shock and Disbelief  The first thing that comes to mind is that it can't be true. I don't understand, what do you mean we are broken up? There's a literal pit in my stomach, it's not possible. No, I don't want to be broken up. Yes, I saw the signs, I'm not stupid, just in denial.  I'm not signing off on this, we are not broken up. 2. Confusion When I sort off, kind off, faced the music, that yes, he did in fact end things; I'm left with in a state of pandemonium. I can't make out whether I am crying or laughing, where did he end and where did I begin? We had morphed into an us where I lost myself. My feelings are all jumbled up because I feel like my heart's been carve...

It's the end of September and I've been on more dates in the past five months than I've been on my entire life.When I first embarked on this dating journey, it wasn't a search for love, I just needed a little male attention. Here's my working knowledge, subject to change and updating: 1. Everyone has something to offer I was so into my type of guy I never gave anyone else who didn't fit the mold a second look. There's more to people then just the stereotypical type box we think they are. You'll be surprised to find that the skater boy is a hardcore humanist as well and I've found that animé can just be a riveting topic for discussion as Dostoyevsky, it sounds like blasphemy but I swear it's not. Expand your horizons, give them a shot, you'll maybe not regret it. 2. Being good looking helps I met the majority of my dates online, because I'm still working on my pick up lines to use at bars. The last dating site I joined, I liter...

It's official I've left my beloved position of singledom. I met someone I like more than being single, feels strange. I can't remember what it felt like with my ex during the first week of that relationship because I was too high on endorphins. And infatuated people make the worst journal entries, short, incoherent and sporadic. With nothing to compare this past week to, this is what the first week of my new relationship feels like. 1. Torture It's pure unadulterated torture. How is it possible to miss someone you just kissed goodbye 60 seconds ago? I just saw him! Why the hell am I missing him all the damn time? There's a pit in my stomach and it only goes away when he's around.  Bae is like crack, I'm craving a fix. 2.  Exciting The anticipation of knowing that I'll be seeing him has me bouncing my knee nervously the whole damn day, clock watching, counting the hours. Current situation: ETA 7 hours  40 minutes. I can't wait! ...

I am crazy obsessed with A Walk to Remember, I can't help it, I love this movie; I am in love with the characters and I can't help but watch it over and over and over and over again.  I didn't make the gifs but here's my running commentary and the comparisons to my sorta kinda there love life. The whole movie is my favourite scene... God has a sense of humour, it has to do with getting a new sweater Please fall in love with me? Landon: Jamie... I love you.......... Now would be the time to say something.  Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.  Of course i'm afraid to fall in love with you. I'm  well on my way though. I don't want to do this alone, take a chance with me? I really want him to kiss me, he hasn't yet. Or shown any indication that he wants to! It's been so long I may actually have forgotten how to? Is kissing like learning how to ride a bicycle?  Kiss me!! It's dr...

 I've spent my whole life trying to live up to the ideal of special, extraordinary. It is all I've ever known; I saw it in the protagonist of the books I have been reading since I discovered the library; these amazing men and women who were instantly recognized as something more by just being themselves.  It came from my teachers and peers who treated me like something more because I got the highest grades in my class "She will do great things." They said.  My pastors/spiritual leaders said I had a gift. I was a natural born leader. God created only one of me and there was a destiny only I could fulfil. It didn't hurt that I was pretty good at everything I tried. I got the complex from being the only girl growing up among boys and my parents' favourite child.  Everyone told me I was something and I believed them. That is until I hit my early twenties; I stopped doing all those things that people said made me special, I quit school, social circles, stopp...

Urban Dictionary Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups. I know it's part of the millennial trademark to complain about adulting and pat ourselves on the back when we do everyday tasks needed for survival like cooking a meal, doing laundry but we are really doing ourselves a disservice when we put up such posts on social media. Your biggest achievement to date is not doing your laundry, you are a highly competent legal researcher for Parliament;hashtag the career advancing moves instead. It's ironic how un-ironically we ironically use the term adulting. Being an adult is hard, learning to handle the challenges that come with this stage in our lives may take a few tries and plenty perseverance;however we are doing it and doing it fairly well. Even when we don't feel like #ADULTING we do, we get up and show up. You're an adult, it's ...