The God Lord knows it was a very trying June, it has sucked the writing juice out of me. It's not writer's block, simply the lack of a desire to write. Ironically, June's the month with the most posts on my blog. I haven't shared all of them, but they're here for your viewing pleasure.
Shout out to Tau of Tau Kelvin Writes for getting the gears rolling for this post. Read, comment, subscribe to his blog. The man has big dreams, it will be a ride watching him make them happen.
Last week, I asked my next door neighbour "Zach" to take me out on a date, he didn't. After what I'd describe as a scolding, he said he would, he hasn't. I saw him for the first time since Sunday, yesterday. He has heading in to his place and I was coming from a grocery shopping trip, finally bought food, adulting is hard.
He smiled wide, asked about my trip and went inside. I felt warm and fuzzy for about two seconds but I was running late for work, I had less than 5 minutes to shower and change. I saw him again this afternoon, he was outside, washing his car. I was headachy, tired and grouchy from a very boring and long shift but I smiled, because "Zach is home". Two consecutive days, the gods maybe want to tell me something. He joked about the weather, I laughed and engaged but continued walking, this girl needed a long afternoon nap.
Which brings me here, writing this post. I'm not sure how any other person would have reacted or conducted themselves but my dissmisve avoidant self is only maybe slightly disappointed. The truth is, I don't think this "date" is happening. Should I be more disappointed?
Maybe... Any other crush (in my long and extensive crush history) and I'd be crushed but today I'm merely tired.
I'll be sad tomorrow, for now I've got to sort through the mess that is my life, phone calls and messages to return, hugs and kisses to shower on my niece and nephew. I've got to decipher whether the dream I just had was my subconscious showing me my insecurities and fears or if it was a message from the Heavens that the man I'm in love with does not feel the same way and I should give up.
Shout out to Tau of Tau Kelvin Writes for getting the gears rolling for this post. Read, comment, subscribe to his blog. The man has big dreams, it will be a ride watching him make them happen.
Last week, I asked my next door neighbour "Zach" to take me out on a date, he didn't. After what I'd describe as a scolding, he said he would, he hasn't. I saw him for the first time since Sunday, yesterday. He has heading in to his place and I was coming from a grocery shopping trip, finally bought food, adulting is hard.
He smiled wide, asked about my trip and went inside. I felt warm and fuzzy for about two seconds but I was running late for work, I had less than 5 minutes to shower and change. I saw him again this afternoon, he was outside, washing his car. I was headachy, tired and grouchy from a very boring and long shift but I smiled, because "Zach is home". Two consecutive days, the gods maybe want to tell me something. He joked about the weather, I laughed and engaged but continued walking, this girl needed a long afternoon nap.
Which brings me here, writing this post. I'm not sure how any other person would have reacted or conducted themselves but my dissmisve avoidant self is only maybe slightly disappointed. The truth is, I don't think this "date" is happening. Should I be more disappointed?
Maybe... Any other crush (in my long and extensive crush history) and I'd be crushed but today I'm merely tired.
I'll be sad tomorrow, for now I've got to sort through the mess that is my life, phone calls and messages to return, hugs and kisses to shower on my niece and nephew. I've got to decipher whether the dream I just had was my subconscious showing me my insecurities and fears or if it was a message from the Heavens that the man I'm in love with does not feel the same way and I should give up.
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