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Heartache and distractions that aren't working

When it rains, it pours. Or so the reoccurring theme of my life goes. And like all other times in my life when the devil decides to mess with me, I create a distraction, something entirely of my own making, to amuse myself...

This time, I asked "Zach" my next door neighbour out on a date. Picture this: Just getting off work, i'm hungry and tired. As I approach the stairs to my flat, I see that  Zach's car is there, "Zach is home." The thing about Zach is, he is never home. He keeps odd hours, even more so then I do (that's saying a lot). So when he's home, I always say to myself "Zach is home". I've made it into a game of sorts, I smile because I've always thought he's kinda cute, the few conversations that I've had with him have led me to believe that he's not stupid.

So I'm walking up the stairs, and instead of continuing I turn and knock on his door. This is completely unmeditated, I'm just going with the flow here. If you, in this moment stopped and asked me what I was doing I'd draw a blank.

He answers the door and after exchanging pleasantries, I ask him " Don't you want to take me out on a date?"
I ask him to take me out because
1. I cleaned out my bank account to pay for the damages to a very expensive car my brother reversed into, so I'm dirt broke.
2. I'm trying out this new thing where I let the man pay for the date, all of it.
3.  I've decided to experiment with this "make him feel like a man" nonsense. Even if I asked him, he's still the one taking me out.
I'm not doing very well on points 2 and 3 but I'm not bothered, at all.

He smiles and asks me "when?" I stutter, because I haven't actually thought this through, I tentatively prospose "this week?"  Later on, when I'm retelling the story to my Aunt C, I facepalm, The week is done. It's Friday.

He says he can't do this week, "next week?" I respond affirmatively and ask him to take my number. He points to my door "You live right there."
I shake my head " You're hardly home and I work odd hours."
He nods " You're always busy."
I stare at him, surprised that he's noticed. Never mind that, we've been neighbours for two years, of course he'll notice, not everyone has their heads in the clouds.

So he takes down my number and calls me, so I have his. "Great" I say. "Call me."
As we are saying our goodbyes, he says my name. I'm surprised again, he knows my name? Yeah okay, I get it, I shouldn't be. We've lived next to each other for two years.  But I only know his name coz I think he's cute, and I still have no idea what his flatmate's name is. It's not like we've been formally introduced. He stresses my name as he repeats it and I think, "he's smooth", explains all the girls I've seen him with.

I continue up the stairs, no time for chit chat, I'm tired and hungry, neeeeed sleep and food. I see no need to further engage till the date.

The following week comes and goes and I'm drowning in work, family troubles and heart issues, no time to think about Zach and the date.

Fast forward to Sunday evening, I'm seating down relaxing for the first time since Thursday evening , my flatmate asks me what happened with the date? (My Aunt filled them in, I hate when people share my stories, please refrain).
 I shrug, too tired to care. "He didn't call." It's resolved that I get up and ask him what happened, his car is there, we know he's home. Sooo, I get up and knock on his door, his flatmate answers, I ask him to send Zack up to my place.
When he finally shows up, I have one foot out the door, my niece and nephew are waiting for me. He explains that he didn't forget but he'd merely failed to communicate that he thought he'd be out of town during the weekend and he'd relegated the date to the weekend, and only confirmed that he wasn't leaving last night. He apologises and says we are still on. I nod and pardon him, this time he best call.
We are done but he hangs around a bit, I need to go, I told my sister I'd be at her place 15 minutes ago. I bid them all, including Zach farewell and head of to see my two favourite human beings on the planet.

Normally, the amusements I create are distracting. The truth is, I'm not distracted, at all. I am still very worried about my dad and the thought of this date does nothing to help pass time till Wednesday evening.  I think I'm losing my touch.

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