Write Your Feelings

What is it about pain that makes the ink flow? I’ve always used words as a way to process, in the throes of tumultuous emotions, when I need direction and putting pen to paper organizes my thoughts. I’m experiencing a world of hurt, and the side effect, the end of the writer’s block. Send help.

Heartbreak is beautiful, in that soul crushing way that removes the masks and stripes us if our delusions. The tears wash away the cataracts and I see clearly. My best friend advised to channel the force of the emotions towards a productive end, or I may self-destruct. So here we are, writing. And true to form, I am writing about writing.

 In the Advances in Psychiatric Treatment  journal article published by the Cambridge University Press, Baikie K, & Wilhelm K. stated that studies have shown writing about” traumatic, stressful or emotional events has been found to result in improvements in both physical and psychological health.” One must write both about the trauma and emotions to experience catharsis. They explained that the relief is a long-term effect and immediate effect is usually an increase in distress, negative mood and a decrease in positive mood. So, I know I’ll be writing for a long while.

Outlining my thoughts on paper has prevented them from haunting my mind as I spiral, intrusive thoughts can be such a persistent bitch! Being barraged over and over again, engulfed, sinking deeper into depression. Putting them outside my mind helps me see them for what they are, thoughts.

So why am I writing about writing about my pain, instead of the pain? Because I think my feelings and my avoidant nature abhors any signs of showing vulnerability. I am starting small, working my way up to the core. And if there’s anything I’ve been told and only starting to practice, is to be kind to myself, so we handle my fragility with care. My maladaptive behavior may no longer serve me but I needed it to survive my childhood. I know to tread carefully now. Instead, I am grateful and ready to navigate why burying my head in the sand is the default or why my flight or fight response is to fawn.  Baby steps, one small shaky step at a time.

My hope is that penning things down, will bring about all the suppressed thoughts and emotions. I’m going to stop actively inhibiting thoughts and feelings. They pop up back in the most inauspicious ways to bit me in the arse. Maybe I work through the mess and develop a higher EQ, maybe I strengthen my self-compassion and embrace vulnerability. Maybe, just maybe I get a definite why to the question of suffering.