Human relations are messy AF! It's volatile feelings and filtered intentions, it's seeing the past in the present, projecting and it's trying being present in the here and now.
So here's the thing I believe about relating, you need to have some kind of chemistry to connect. There must be some base level of attraction, something must draw you to the person. I can tell you why I love each and every one of my friends, every single one. We have a spark, a connection.
Some of my friends are male and some of these male friends have girlfriends, and apparently there in lies the problem.
The last time I had to deal with my guy friend's girlfriend's drama, I was ready to walk away, but he wisely told me that if i'm going to make her insecurities mine, that's on me, he hasn't taken them on, it's up to me what I do with it. He set clear boundaries and made very clear the roles we both play in his life. He married her, and I was his witness when we went to the magistrate's court. We are living happily ever after.
To be quite honest, I'll be the first one to question platonic dynamics of heteronormative male/female friendships. I will not be offended at any potential love interest questioning the nature of one specific relation, because hell! Even I know how it looks like. Some time in the past I myself have wondered at it. Look three times, verify and satisfy your curiosity, examine the said friendship four times. I'll do the exact same thing, best believe!
But when you're done and you've reached your conclusion, if you decide to trust me and if you're sure you want to go further with me, make yourself comfortable. I don't take lightly to being questioned and distrust. If we don't have trust, then we don't have anything.
I've never had to choose because I've chosen partners that trusted me completely and their faith was not misplaced. I remember being hurt and telling one of my exes that one of my male friends was acting up and preempting the end of our friendship, because I was with him, we eventually worked it out.
I've had to end a friendship because this guy, whom I fucking loved with my whole heart, chose to protect his significant other's feelings, she was uncomfortable with how close the we were. Shit hurt, but what could I do? Graciously and tearfully, when he asked for space, I took a step back. I've never been the jealous type, never had a problem with male/female friendships, I didn't understand it but I respected his choice. I'm STILL respecting his choice.
What I find absolutely UNBEARABLE and i'll see myself out of the equation, is when the significant other is acting up, in a serious type of way and that shit spills over. Babe, handle your girl, you're in the relationship, not me. I don't want nor do I have to deal with her drama. If my peace of mind is being disturbed and you make her insecurities my problem, I'll see you in the next life. I used to be afraid of losing friends because I love with everything, now I'm accepting that people come and go.
So here's the thing I believe about relating, you need to have some kind of chemistry to connect. There must be some base level of attraction, something must draw you to the person. I can tell you why I love each and every one of my friends, every single one. We have a spark, a connection.
Some of my friends are male and some of these male friends have girlfriends, and apparently there in lies the problem.
The last time I had to deal with my guy friend's girlfriend's drama, I was ready to walk away, but he wisely told me that if i'm going to make her insecurities mine, that's on me, he hasn't taken them on, it's up to me what I do with it. He set clear boundaries and made very clear the roles we both play in his life. He married her, and I was his witness when we went to the magistrate's court. We are living happily ever after.
To be quite honest, I'll be the first one to question platonic dynamics of heteronormative male/female friendships. I will not be offended at any potential love interest questioning the nature of one specific relation, because hell! Even I know how it looks like. Some time in the past I myself have wondered at it. Look three times, verify and satisfy your curiosity, examine the said friendship four times. I'll do the exact same thing, best believe!
But when you're done and you've reached your conclusion, if you decide to trust me and if you're sure you want to go further with me, make yourself comfortable. I don't take lightly to being questioned and distrust. If we don't have trust, then we don't have anything.
I've never had to choose because I've chosen partners that trusted me completely and their faith was not misplaced. I remember being hurt and telling one of my exes that one of my male friends was acting up and preempting the end of our friendship, because I was with him, we eventually worked it out.
I've had to end a friendship because this guy, whom I fucking loved with my whole heart, chose to protect his significant other's feelings, she was uncomfortable with how close the we were. Shit hurt, but what could I do? Graciously and tearfully, when he asked for space, I took a step back. I've never been the jealous type, never had a problem with male/female friendships, I didn't understand it but I respected his choice. I'm STILL respecting his choice.
What I find absolutely UNBEARABLE and i'll see myself out of the equation, is when the significant other is acting up, in a serious type of way and that shit spills over. Babe, handle your girl, you're in the relationship, not me. I don't want nor do I have to deal with her drama. If my peace of mind is being disturbed and you make her insecurities my problem, I'll see you in the next life. I used to be afraid of losing friends because I love with everything, now I'm accepting that people come and go.
Comments
Post a Comment