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One of these days

One day I am going to learn how to ask for help, one of these days I am going to be able to request assistance from the ones I love.
Some day soon I'll send that "hey, I am not okay" text.

You see one of my best friends passed away today a few years ago. He was not only my best friend but I was also in love with him. I never told him.  It's alright though, he told me about his feelings.

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I woke up with a headache, which is why I hardly ever cry. These headaches hurt like a MF! I've been putting on a brave face for the world while slowly dying inside. I suspect no one can even tell today was especially made to torture me. I'm just having one of those days. Some years are better than others. This year is better than last year. Last year was hell. This day is also hell-ish.


I'm wondering why I can't ask for help. Minimal effort, send an SOS text. Is it because I cannot rely on any of my friends? Is it because I am too proud to ask for help or has it been so long that I don't have how to ask or receive help any more?

What would it take for me to pick up the phone and call someone, why does it seem my hands feel like lead every time I think about it?  One of these days I will figure it out and then maybe I won't feel so alone anymore.


Comments

  1. Dimples30 May 2019 at 10:12

    Hugs babe. I hope you managed to talk to someone? ��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Namupolo8 September 2019 at 22:21

      Took a few days but yeah, I did. Thank you for caring 😘

      Delete

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