Unfiltered Thoughts

 "I was young and stupid." That was the response he gave me as to why he raped my friend back in uni. I can't help but wonder how he thinks that response would suffice or appease. I don't know what or how to respond to his pleas for absolution when the last time I saw him, I was with her and all he said to her was "It didn't end well with us".  I'm not the one he should be even talking to about this. I officially met him three years ago, I thought he was smooth, had swag and hot as a tamalie! It turns out he's had his eye on me for years but I was in a relationship so I shut that down. Fast forward to last month I run into him at Chopsi's and he was all up in my space, insisted on my number. This time I was single, so I thought why not, he's still got it. When he walked away one of my girls tell me he raped her in her first year. I was shook. I ignored his call when he called three days later and then he calls me again last night, thi...

It's over, done, gone. Whatever the relationship was, he ended it. It's dead and buried. We are getting ahead of ourselves, nothing is dead or buried in the first week after a breakup. Here are my emotions: Obviously I'm not the one that ended things 1 . Shock and Disbelief  The first thing that comes to mind is that it can't be true. I don't understand, what do you mean we are broken up? There's a literal pit in my stomach, it's not possible. No, I don't want to be broken up. Yes, I saw the signs, I'm not stupid, just in denial.  I'm not signing off on this, we are not broken up. 2. Confusion When I sort off, kind off, faced the music, that yes, he did in fact end things; I'm left with in a state of pandemonium. I can't make out whether I am crying or laughing, where did he end and where did I begin? We had morphed into an us where I lost myself. My feelings are all jumbled up because I feel like my heart's been carve...