Unfiltered Thoughts

It's the end of September and I've been on more dates in the past five months than I've been on my entire life.When I first embarked on this dating journey, it wasn't a search for love, I just needed a little male attention. Here's my working knowledge, subject to change and updating: 1. Everyone has something to offer I was so into my type of guy I never gave anyone else who didn't fit the mold a second look. There's more to people then just the stereotypical type box we think they are. You'll be surprised to find that the skater boy is a hardcore humanist as well and I've found that animé can just be a riveting topic for discussion as Dostoyevsky, it sounds like blasphemy but I swear it's not. Expand your horizons, give them a shot, you'll maybe not regret it. 2. Being good looking helps I met the majority of my dates online, because I'm still working on my pick up lines to use at bars. The last dating site I joined, I liter...

It's official I've left my beloved position of singledom. I met someone I like more than being single, feels strange. I can't remember what it felt like with my ex during the first week of that relationship because I was too high on endorphins. And infatuated people make the worst journal entries, short, incoherent and sporadic. With nothing to compare this past week to, this is what the first week of my new relationship feels like. 1. Torture It's pure unadulterated torture. How is it possible to miss someone you just kissed goodbye 60 seconds ago? I just saw him! Why the hell am I missing him all the damn time? There's a pit in my stomach and it only goes away when he's around.  Bae is like crack, I'm craving a fix. 2.  Exciting The anticipation of knowing that I'll be seeing him has me bouncing my knee nervously the whole damn day, clock watching, counting the hours. Current situation: ETA 7 hours  40 minutes. I can't wait! ...

I am crazy obsessed with A Walk to Remember, I can't help it, I love this movie; I am in love with the characters and I can't help but watch it over and over and over and over again.  I didn't make the gifs but here's my running commentary and the comparisons to my sorta kinda there love life. The whole movie is my favourite scene... God has a sense of humour, it has to do with getting a new sweater Please fall in love with me? Landon: Jamie... I love you.......... Now would be the time to say something.  Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.  Of course i'm afraid to fall in love with you. I'm  well on my way though. I don't want to do this alone, take a chance with me? I really want him to kiss me, he hasn't yet. Or shown any indication that he wants to! It's been so long I may actually have forgotten how to? Is kissing like learning how to ride a bicycle?  Kiss me!! It's dr...

 I've spent my whole life trying to live up to the ideal of special, extraordinary. It is all I've ever known; I saw it in the protagonist of the books I have been reading since I discovered the library; these amazing men and women who were instantly recognized as something more by just being themselves.  It came from my teachers and peers who treated me like something more because I got the highest grades in my class "She will do great things." They said.  My pastors/spiritual leaders said I had a gift. I was a natural born leader. God created only one of me and there was a destiny only I could fulfil. It didn't hurt that I was pretty good at everything I tried. I got the complex from being the only girl growing up among boys and my parents' favourite child.  Everyone told me I was something and I believed them. That is until I hit my early twenties; I stopped doing all those things that people said made me special, I quit school, social circles, stopp...